Groups – Activity – Jennifer – Gender Spectrum Lounge

really liked Felix, Ever After

You are invited to participate in a short survey for California educators about gender diversity, trans and gender-diverse terminology, and trans-inclusion. The term “educators” includes teachers, administrators, librarians, and anyone else supporting the learning of youth. This survey is part of an international study entitled Supporting Trans and Gender Diverse Youth in Schools: Policy and Practice and is conducted by Dr. Wayne Martino at Western University.

If survey respondents wish to partake in a follow-up interview, participants may provide their email address at the end of the survey.

This survey is anonymous, and the information collected will be used for research purposes only. If you would like to participate in the study you can follow the link below to the survey portal.

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/35ZMLGW

Any questions about this study can be directed to the Office of Human Research Ethics, Western University at 519-661-3036 or [email protected] or the Principal Investigator, Wayne Martino, at 519 661-2111 ext. 88593 or [email protected].

Hey! I’ve been trying to read the oldest trans literature I can find, does anyone have any suggestions? I found out I was trans after reading Edward Carpenter’s “The Intermediate Sex” and I recently had a lot of fun reading N.O. Body’s “Memoirs of a Man’s Maiden Years,” but those are both turn of the 20th century. Does anyone have any ideas for something older? Thanks!

Hi there! I am Molly and my pronouns are she/her.
I’m an investigative journalist telling the stories of LGBTQ+ kids in the juvenile justice system. If you have experienced the juvenile justice system or are a friend/family member of someone who has –– and if you feel comfortable talking about it! –– I would love to connect with you. Feel free to email me at [email protected] if you have questions or think you might want to talk. This is a very underreported topic, especially when it comes to the experiences of transgender young people, and our goal is to shine some light on this area of our juvenile justice system.
Thank you! 🙂

If anyone wants to read a book with a non binary character I’d recommend I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver. The main character’s name is Ben and they are non binary.
I also liked Symptoms of Being Human by Jeff Garvin. The main character’s name is Riley and they are genderfluid.
Bothe of these are YA fiction. If anyone has any other suggestions I would appreciate it.
Arlo.

Hello, my name is Alexy and I work with a research group at Duke University. We are currently enrolling transgender youth for a qualitative research study. Attached is our flyer with more information. If you are interested and would like to be contacted, please feel free to use the link at the bottom to fill out a contact form.

Contact Form
alexyh uploaded new file(s): transgenderhealthmeasurementstudyflyer.pdf to Research: Gender and Youth

I am a parent and would like to read more adult fiction and nonfiction about families with transgender kids. Any suggestions?

mgborth replied 1 year, 7 months ago

I’m currently reading Transitions of the Heart by Rachel Pepper. It is a collection of stories by mothers of trans kids (any age). I’m also reading Becoming Nicole by Amy Ellis Nutt. And Transparent by Cris Beam. Also This is How it Always Is by Laurie Frankel. They are all very different but excellent so far. I love to read so am trying to read all I can since my daughter came out as trans.
- ljm1 replied 1 year ago
  
  Thank you for your suggestions – I did end up reading many of your suggestions
bridgette replied 1 year ago

I also just finished What We Will Become by Mimi Lemay. It is a beautifully written memoir about her journey with her ftm and matching it with her journey through transition as she was raised in a devout orthodox family.
- ljm1 replied 1 year ago
  
  Thank you for sharing this book – I look forward to reading the book you mentioned and had not heard of it before

Compilation of a lot of good research, including statistics on bathrooms & crime: https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/category/research/transgender-issues/

Statistics on reversing Gender Confirmation Surgery (about .2 %): https://genderanalysis.net/2018/08/transgender-surgical-reversal-statistics-a-clearer-picture-emerges/. Brynn Tannenhall notes that most reversal relates to botched surgery or family problems.

Two things: Study of Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0202330 and serious critique of study sample and analysis: https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2018/2/20/rapid-onset-gender-dysphoria-biased-junk-science.

To that critique, I would add that they needed a control group to see if online info, friend groups and family problems were also typical of other adolescents who were not trans.

Hi! So my preferred name is Logan, I’m 15 gender fluid and a nonpublished author! So yeah, hi!

Hello! I have a 5 year old, born female, but since the age of 3 has mentioned being a boy or wanting to be a boy. My husband and I have been totally on board from the get go. I am a stay at home parent and she will be starting Kindergarten this Fall. We live in a smaller town in the midwest and to say I’m not worried or concerned about taking on small town public schools, well, I’d be lying. Just wondering if anyone has advice on the best way to go forward with starting school? We have an older kid that is already attending this elementary school, so we know the principal and some of the teachers. Our kids pediatrician is completely on board. So we have her to back us up. Along with a great kids therapist we met with six times just to help build a team of professionals down the line. Just wondering if we should meet with the principal? Wait to see what teacher she gets and meet with them? Any feedback is grateful! Thanks!

stevenfunk replied 3 years, 2 months ago

Hi Pollymae,
I’m from Indiana and I live in Montana, so I hear you loud and clear, but I am confused. Do you have a transgender son? If so, are you going to change the pronouns you use? If you can’t get the birth certificate and medical records/name, etc changed before school starts, then it would be prudent to meet with the principal and explain that he is your son, what name will be used, etc. If you can help him legally transition now, then there really isn’t a conversation needed. Your confidence level is going to be key here and I don’t believe in unecessarily outing kids. I think that’s for them to decide when they’re closer to the age of majority. I’d be more than happy to talk more. [email protected]
damaids replied 3 years ago

Hello pollymae

Sorry that I did not see this post / respond to it earlier.

The Gender Spectrum website has a lot of good resources on communicating with schools, I’d definitely check them out here: https://www.genderspectrum.org/resources/education-2/ The documents, especially Gender Support Plan, really help walk through how the school will support your child.

One thing that Joel Baum once told us though — go into the conversations with an open mind that the teachers and principals will want to support your kid. After all, they got into that job because they want kids to learn, and your kid cannot learn if they don’t feel safe and happy and school. I just saw your comment about ‘taking on’ the school — go into the first meeting assuming they want to work with you and it can be much better.

A lot of times you will hear “Oh we support your kid, but think of the other parents / students that might be uncomfortable — we have to think about them too”. You can gently remind them that you understand, but your kids *safety* is more important than other kids *comfort*

In any case, good luck!

-dan

For any Bay Area families: Drag Queen Story Hour April 9th in Oakland: https://www.facebook.com/events/958864100929733/

I’m struggling to support my child against the background of co-parent conflict and abuse from his mother, and what I think is unintentional harm to our child from her in what I see as a messy, very complicated, very unusual situation around our child’s gender id and expression. I think my child is actually doing remarkably well in context, but I’m paying a significant cost.

I’m an ftm parent of an 8yo, and my child’s other parent is also queer (femme). We live in the Bay Area, we’ve been separated for 6 years, with the relationship sadly digressing over time after a messy break up.
Our child was assigned male at birth. My child’s mother and I are both white, and so is our child (my brother is the donor), and our child happens to have silky blond hair that gets a lot of attention. As progressive queer parents, we intentionally dressed him in a variety of gender-style clothes from birth, and while we used male pronouns we never ‘corrected’ the many strangers that commented on his feminine attractiveness etc. We also carefully avoided other gendering parenting (eg. took gendered pronouns out of books as we read them), and never referenced or discussed gender. Connected to her conversion to (renewal-type) Judaism, our child’s mother initiated letting his hair grow until age 3, following an Orthodox practice. By 3, our child was so validated for his long and pretty hair, he didn’t want to cut it, so we didn’t. With hair as a gender signal and no counter-signal or context, our child was “she’d” so much that he deduced that it must be his pronoun. In the context of his…[Read more]

pippin184 replied 3 years, 2 months ago

Wow – so difficult. any chance your ex would agree to couples counseling? it seems like and issue that first needs to be worked out between the two of you…I’m sure you’ve thought of this.
- eliparent replied 3 years, 2 months ago
  
  Yeah, we did quite a bit of (apparently not very good) couples counselling over the years. I did propose that for another try some months ago, but she’s refusing that too – partly because it goes badly (I think bc of her challenges with criticism/being wrong/negotiating/listening etc. She blames me – she’s built what I think is an expedient narrative about how every hard feeling she has is my fault, including her break up [up to the point of an onslaught of spurious and slandering accusations, including the transphobia as above as just one]. Thanks for the comment and suggestion.
rightkindofme replied 3 years, 2 months ago

Minor question because I use multiple forums and acronyms vary… are you a First Time Mom or are you Female To Male? If you are trans that probably makes this entire situation more complicated.

Because you mention being in the bay area I will say that UCSF has a *fantastic* children’s gender department. If your former partner believes your child is trans, then a visit to UCSF is a good idea anyway because your child will need some sort of support during puberty. The sooner you go the sooner they will recommend a therapist so that you can have the legally documented paper trail for transition. My kid went up there when they were 6 because the earlier you get the paper trail started the better. “Persistent, consistent” has to be demonstrated in some way. We have records.

My almost 8 year old non-binary kid sees a fantastic non-binary therapist in Mountain View. Having such a grown up in their life has been *important*. There are kinds of support I can’t give as a cis-woman. I’m glad my kid gets to have this.

I… generally speaking don’t have good advice. I will agree that you are in a rough spot. I will say that my experience as an educator and as someone who has read a lot about general trauma indicates that your child needs to not be put in the middle. Check in with your kid every so often to see if they need something from you in regards to clothing purchases/pronouns but try not to ask too often. Monthly is probably too often. Your kid’s identity is a fluid thing at this point and asking repeatedly “Are you sure?” challenges the child to feel like *you*…[Read more]
- eliparent replied 3 years, 2 months ago
  
  Yes, I’m trans, ftm. And ftd I guess 🙂 . Maybe I can approach his mum about him going to UCSF, that might work… This situation is so quirky, I’m a bit hesitant to actively enroll Avi in a gender clinic out of concern that it reinforces the imposed trans identity – I think it could theoretically be fine as a space for him to explore, but I know his mum would take him in a dress etc. which would make the whole thing extra complicated. I am in therapy. I started going specifically to deal with my child’s mother and all the challenges with that after some dramatic events early last summer.
  My kid’s in play therapy that his mum set up, but it’s with an intern that doesn’t seem to have background in queer anything or gender – I’ve met/called with her a few times. She has a tendency to fall into a trans 101 narrative, that I need to ‘respect my child’s “chosen” gender’ (which my child’s mother perpetuates, and then uses against me), and it takes some explaining (as in my original post) to get her to understand the complexities and [hopefully] support our child in a more informed way.
  I appreciate your advice about casually checking in. I’m taking that on, not precisely because the situation is different, but as a guiding principle. Thank you!

REMINDER: Dads Online/Call-in Discussion Group TOMORROW, Thursday 3/15/18

The next online/call-in discussion group for dads is THURSDAY 3/15/18 from 6:30 – 7:30 pm PT/9:30 – 10:30 pm ET. You can find information on how to participate in this discussion in the Dads Group here in the Lounge. Join the conversation!

REMINDER: Dads Online/Call-in Discussion Group TOMORROW, Thursday 2/15/18

The next online/call-in discussion group for dads is TOMORROW, Thursday 2/15/18 from 6:30 – 7:30 pm PT/9:30 – 10:30 pm ET. You can find information on how to participate in this discussion in the Dads Group here in the Lounge. Join the conversation!

Hi all, I’m new in this group. I’m living in Germany with my husband and our two children. We have a nine year-old daughter; we used to think that she was a boy during the first years after her birth, although there were were very early signs that we were wrong. At six, some months before she started to go to school, she was so unhappy that I told her that there were other kids like her and that there were even other kids who left behind the role that they were assigned at birth. From this moment, everything went very quickly. We got connected to other families all over Germany. Our daughter changed her name and pronouns and was wearing dresses nearly every day. This was almost three years ago. In the meantime I founded a local support group for families with transgender / gender-expansive kids and youth near Frankfurt/M. If you want to know more about us or the situation here in Germany, just ask me!

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Jennifer